Am I supposed to care what you think?

I talk a lot about choices. The capabilities we have to create the life we want based on decisions in the moment... or lack thereof. I talk a great game, for the most part. But the reality is that I struggle with those choices all.the.time. 

Knowing who I am, versus what I’m told, or, who I yearn to be. Often times, this is in spite of who I’m told I am or hear that I am based on other people’s opinions. Really, their opinion, your opinion of who I am, what I do, and where I go in life is none of my business. Just like my thoughts, ideas, and opinions of you, are none of your business (people-pleasers are cringing everywhere, right?). 

But when thoughts become words, our language can create and destroy. 

Language, for the most part, has attempted to destroy my self-worth more times than I care to count. Opinions of my life. Rumors spoke behind my back. Impressions that I made without intention. All of this language spins in my head like a hamster wheel. Running from the words, but inside of them at the same time. Reverberating lack and pain. Finding comfort in reminding myself that I’m not good enough. 

Weird how our ego finds comfort in misery. It’s what we know, more than what we don’t. 

I know lack of worth. I understand it. I had a flag planted in the country of emotional depravity for many years. I can navigate emotional pain with a blindfold and land mines placed in my way. 

But, is it my right to hear what is said about me? My only birthright in this life is my own self-love. Everything else is earned or given graciously to me by the love of others. 

Here’s the catch though, we rarely pay attention to the love that is freely given, do we? We focus on the love we have to fight for. We focus on the love that was taken away from us. The love that we want but can’t have. The love we strive to impress but can never measure up to. Always yearning for something, someone, some love that we don’t have. 

Maybe then we’ll be happy? Maybe then we’ll feel complete? But it’s a lie. All of it is bullshit we tell ourselves so we don’t have to jump out of that comfort zone of land mines and lack. Happiness becomes a myth that is too expensive to travel to…like the land of Fiji if you’re from Coquitlam, BC Canada (this is where you see my side-eye come into play). That trip would take time to save up for. The hard work involved. It’s on the other side of the world. A myth of paradise that only a few get to experience (following me?).

Because I know it so well, because I have saved and worked hard on reaching into my paradise of what happiness embodies, I know it can be done. My biggest goal in this lifetime is to teach my children to love themselves before anyone else. So they can fly to and from paradise with a single thought of love. To honour their fantastic unique qualities and the qualities that match everyone around them. To honor their faults with love and compassion, so they can love the faults of others the same way. The more often you embody kindness, love, and empathy, the more it folds into your everyday life in return (a.k.a. Fiji). 

Only within this tolerance of self-acceptance can we change the world. Only within the choice to embody love, can we accept it without parameters. Tolerance and love when facing judgment, intolerance, and hate. Others’ opinions are damned. Our opinion of ourselves is the only one of worth. 

Use your language to create, not destroy. Use your thoughts to be more than what you face from others. 

You’ll find yourself there. 

With tolerance. With love. With worth. 

Exploring paradise.