Struggling to connect? A pandemic infused look at naivety, judgement and recovery.

I’ve struggled to come up with something to write this week.  I’ve sat in front of my blank screen scrolling social media, looking at some old posts and reading some random books scouring my brain for inspiration or creativity. I keep coming up empty handed because the only thing that I can seem to focus on is the mental health crisis that I am finding this world dive bombing into.

I’m not going to directly write about the pandemic, the mandate protesters, the backlash of it, or the media. My opinions on any of it are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.  However, I would like to talk about the intimate, dangerous, and grief stricken thoughts and feelings that are rising BECAUSE of it. I would like to address the ceaseless judgement that is significantly diminishing our ability to connect with one another.

I would like to ask, where have all of our hearts gone?

Perhaps I write this out of naivety; perhaps the intimate community that I worked hard to cultivate in my life as I began my own trauma recovery prevented me from accurately seeing the cruelty that was in front of my face.  Perhaps the overdue and much needed uprising of the BLM, METOO and EVERY CHILD MATTERS movements, inspired too much hope in the attempted correction of cultural bias and genocidal traumas. What I am witnessing, personally feeling, and unilaterally participating in as a human being these days, is anything but community and recovery.

Here are my observations:

When we step into judgment of a situation or person, we feel like we solved a problem in our head and a sense of relief for resolution happens.  It is immediate for the most part.   However, this judgement on what we do know for sure (which is in fact, nothing), inhibits our evolution.

Right there in that moment, you cease growth and become stunted in time. You may continue to evolve in different aspects of your life, but your judgement will also prevent you from reaching the growth needed to move forward if a similar situation emerges in the future.  You will immediately halt and judge based on your previous assessment. A pattern of reactivity then materializes forward, keeping you stuck in disguised resolution.  “Sheep in wolves clothing” comes to mind. You’re tricking yourself into safety.

The secret to climbing out of judgment is to encourage your own curiosity.  I know, I know, that word is so taboo these days.  Any conversation about curiosity requires that you ask questions, and asking questions requires that you employ critical thought, and critical thought is what is leading to the global shaming of sovereignty and autonomy, but let’s not go down THAT rabbit hole today.  Let’s just start with curiosity towards your own judgments.

When we engage a few moments of curiosity to understand something that we are about to judge, we open the ten foot double oak doors to the grand entrance of compassion, and that my friends, is the foyer to a life changing entrance. So what does understanding do for YOU? Why would you want to care or understand judgement?

Understanding prevents division. 

Understanding establishes safety.

Understanding cultivates community togetherness.

Understanding can resolve conflict.

Understanding enhances growth mindset.

Understanding increases empathy.

Understanding leads to happiness.

So while we could debate the semantics and importance of critical thought in our current society, I will instead encourage a momentary pause of your judgement to be curious enough to understand something different from your beliefs, views, and identifying world.   If you feel, hear, witness, partake, or individualize an action or situation that involves judgement condemning another person, perhaps encourage yourself to be curious first.

You might be surprised to find stories of survival, heart wrenching emotion, trauma, and human beings behind your judgement. Perhaps in this moment, you will find a touch of understanding, lessening the impact of collective hate, shame, and division.  Am I being too naïve in hoping that we as a society can find our hearts again?

It’s entirely possible that I am, or maybe I am just passionate in my pursuit to be curious. What do you think?

With love,
Lea Morrison
Empowering survivors through trauma-informed regulation and care
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